Relationships

Look Around 

Look inside a drawer--if you see confusion, it is often an indication of unresolved interpersonal conflict.

Chaos in the home study is sometimes a sign of trouble--it can be the result of anger and frustration.

A messy house in chaos and confusion may very well indicate a mental state of chaos and confusion.

If you have disorder in your work place, it may be the result of competition and strife with others. Overload is a sign of a lack of planning.

Resolving interpersonal conflict often removes the visual signals of the chaos and confusion around you.

Principle based relationships

When we were children we were completely dependent.

As we became teenagers most of us became independent.

Now we must proceed to becoming Interdependent.

Interdependence means that we are each fully independent in thought as individuals, and yet we rely on others for our effectiveness.

We share the ideas, the planning, the goals, the effort, the resources with others in an atmosphere of equality.

By ourselves we might be able to accomplish something, but with interdependence, we can achieve better results more quickly.

Interdependence requires a realization that there are universal principles which work each time, every time, in every society.

Cause and effect are paramount in understanding interdependence.

Here is how this works: If you trust me and I betray you, how do you feel?

 This works the same way between any two people, anywhere, any time.

Interdependence requires commitment to principle.

To be effective, we must all grow in the maturity to move from dependence to independence to interdependence.

What is love?

Most would agree that love is essential for life.

Babies are born with no capability to take care of themselves. It is a time of complete dependence. Someone must feed, bathe, clothe, and nurture the child. The person taking care of the child has love; the baby has no capability to truly love initially. It is in these first moments of life we can get a glimpse of what love is. Love is unselfish at this moment: There is an unselfish concern without an expectation of immediate compensation.

Scripture, written by Paul in I Corinthians gives us a fairly good definition of love. Here are some of the major points of his philosophy:

• Love suffers long (extended patience);

• love is kind;

• love does not envy;

• love does not parade itself (want to get notice of others to be validated),

• love is not puffed up (vain);

• love does not behave rudely,

• love does not seek its own,

• love is not provoked (to contention),

• love thinks no evil;

• love does not rejoice in iniquity (bad things happening to others), but rejoices in the truth;

• love bears all things,

• love believes all things (has confidence and trust),

• love hopes all things,

• love endures all things.

Paul goes on and says: "Love never fails."

There are three Greek words for love:

• Agape - to love others in a social or moral sense: This is an act of the will, an active choice--the highest form of love meaning that it is unconditional;

• Philos - a brotherly love: Affection, emotionally based;
• Eros - Sexual love--from which comes the word erotic.

For purposes of this web site, love is never used with any sexual connotation: Two men can love one another without even a hint of homosexuality entering the picture. In fact, many may insist that real love is NOT POSSIBLE in such a relationship.

Remember that arrogance kills relationships!

Faith overcomes arrogance.

Love is the essential nourishment of relationships.

The Five Love Languages

We all communicate with one another in different ways.

We must communicate in the language that the one we love understands. Each of us has one or two languages that we understand best for ourselves.

We may not naturally communicate in their language and they may not communicate in ours.

We have to know the language understood by the one who is loved even if it is different from ours.

Gary Chapman in his "The Five Love Languages" describes the love languages as follows:

• Words of affirmation: A kind word can inspire another to accomplish great things;

• Quality time: Giving someone your undivided attention--empathetic listening can used within quality time to build the relationship;

• Receiving gifts: A universal token of love;

• Acts of service: Do unto others as they would have you do unto them!

• Physical Touch: Communicating affection--Babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. [It works for teenagers and adults too. Unfortunately, we live in such a paranoid world obsessed with harassment!]

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the most important aspects of love.

No one can be healthy with guilt. Guilt must be resolved.

Love forgives, each time, every time.

Often the person being forgiven may not appreciate it, but the one who forgives always does.

Once you forgive someone, you have been relieved of a tremendous burden.

Understanding

Love between any two people is a beautiful thing. It is healthy.

Love heals.

Love proceeds from commitment and understanding.

Seek to know your friends and know them by empathetic listening.

Understand them, and provide them love in the love language they understand.

Love casts out fear.

If you really love someone you cannot fear them.