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After all that is said and done,
cult abuse is all about the
abuse of power.
Cultmeisters assume in their arrogance that
they are
superior to you
as a person, whether they are self-appointed, elected officials,
corporate CEOs, chairperson of the board, president, vice-president, director,
executive, commissioned officer in the military, evangelist, elder, deacon,
business owner, service provider, salesperson, doctor, lawyer, spouse, parent,
kids at school, teachers or that guy on the help line. They are royalty. They
have the divine right of kings. They have executive privilege.
Arrogance
severs relationships.
This assumption that someone is superior to
you as a person is quite problematic if you are in some sort of disadvantaged
position subordinate to the person in power:
Initially,
equality is not an option, and you are
stuck with it.
Always remember that
you are not alone.
Billions of people are probably in some kind of analogous position, differing
from your situation mainly by degree and certain circumstances. The basic
relationship is still the same: The one in power is in a superior position over
you and you begin at the point where your
viable options are limited.
You simply don't have the resources to level the playing
field.
The place to begin is to
develop a knowledge base
so you can develop
viable options followed by an action
plan.
This takes
work and real effort.
The characteristics of narcissism are well
known.
Understanding
the characteristics of a narcissist will enable you to
gain a perspective
of how difficult the road ahead will be. It is not insurmountable, but
often it will be problematic.
Examine the two following pages for
understanding your plight:
Narcissists lack empathy.
They are the center of the Universe. You are
irrelevant. This is particularly
aggravating when they are in positions of power.
Narcissists will sap you
and rob you mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, academically,
economically
and then dump you when you don't measure up to their impossible
expectations--they see you as being utterly worthless.
The experience with a narcissist can be
devastating even if you understand that they are
utterly empty people
who have no existence outside of what others mirror
back to them in the form of reactions.
You have two basic choices: Either abandon
them--which is the most reasonable choice--or, if you cannot
avoid them,
set firm boundaries backed by both authority and obvious firm resolve.
These are difficult choices.
At least 80% of
all abuse problems stem from narcissism.
A psychopath is a
narcissist who has no conscience.
Given the
inconsistencies and hidden agendas
of psychopaths, they are the most difficult narcissists with which to deal.
Although
psychopaths represent only 1% to 2% of the general
population,
their extreme behavior makes them much more prominent in problem resolution than
mere narcissists.
Distorted Perception
is at the heart of all human problems, from narcissism, mental illness,
politics to bad management and abuse.
Distorted perception is at the heart of
narcissism:
The Narcissist has an inflated view of himself
or herself in relationship to God, the Universe, the world and to you.
You are inferior, no
matter how
competent, qualified, talented or experienced
you are. Your
credentials do not matter.
Your importance to your job, your family or even to
your country does not matter. All
that matters is
what you can do for the narcissist.
Narcissists have no empathy and are generally
paranoid and grandiose.
In any
dispute, you are wrong
and they are right.
You will have grave difficulty proving your case and
the narcissist will do everything to discredit you.
The narcissist will belittle
you publicly and privately. The narcissist will
wreck
your credibility
at every turn.
Narcissists are usually
convincing liars because
they believe their own distorted perceptions.
You need to
be prepared to fight an uphill battle
to convince those in authority, whether they be management or the police
or your friends that you have a viable case. Often, the narcissist has arranged
it so no one will care about the abuse you are receiving.
Lies
[with deceptions]
Knowing, deliberate lies
with deceptions are
nearly always at the heart of the distorted perception, narcissism and abuse of
power of the victims.
The goal of the liar is to convince you that
perception is reality--that is to say, his
perception is to be your reality.
The second goal of the liar is to convince you
that
the end justifies the means
so that you will abandon all integrity and pull out all the stops to
achieve what the abuser wants to achieve.
Acting out the premise that the end justifies
the means is
a deal with the Devil:
You are automatically trapped in the lies and deceptions as a willing accessory.
If you are
caught in the immoral, unethical and illegal acts
in following the premise that the end justifies the means, it is generally
arranged that
you alone will bear the consequences
in the arena of
accountability.
Participating in lies and deceptions, making
yourself a party to them, destroys your character
and weakens your position with the
abuser. It is a trap from which you may not be able to extricate yourself.
Lies result in apathy,
when people come to know the lies and find they cannot do anything about
them because their options are limited by superior force. At one point years
ago, you could look at the walls and cubicles of a certain major misfortune 500
company and find little negative. Four years later, Dilbert Cartoons began to be
exhibited everywhere as the evidence of both the poor management and the lies
and deceptions until there wasn't any place in the Corporate Headquarters you
could stand without seeing them somewhere. Listen for the statement of
hopelessness: "Nothing ever changes around here".
When people begin to find options to the
enforced lies they are forced to live with, what usually follows is rebellion.
Rebellion
takes many forms--from sedition to quitting the job and working elsewhere to
outright violence. Going Postal often finds its foundation in the fruition of
the frustrations of bearing lies and deceptions in an insane environment. Abuse
often ends in violence or divorce when people feel they can't live with it any
longer.
Abuse occurs when one
person violates the rights of another.
The abuser assumes
superiority
over what they consider inferior beings.
Abuse generally takes two forms:
Assault and
neglect.
Assault is obvious and can come in several
flavors:
Physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse.
Physical abuse is often the most obvious and may be easier to document than
either mental abuse or emotional abuse, but the effects of mental abuse or
emotional abuse can be just as traumatizing as the physical abuse.
In the case of assault, it is always necessary
to
set clear boundaries and enforce them.
If it is not possible to set clear boundaries and enforce them--and there can be
many reasons for not being able to--then it is important to leave the abusive
relationship to avoid damage.
Neglect is just as
abusive as assault.
People can
die
from neglect. Neglect always diminishes
a person. Neglect occurs when people responsible for providing the needs
of others do not fulfill the obligations
they have to others. Abusers do not hold themselves
accountable
for the obligations toward the person or group they are neglecting.
Neglect always seems to result in
chaos. Natural
entropy causes decay, but neglect hastens the entropy until
nothing works quite right. One manager takes over a plant and "milks" it by
saving money by dropping maintenance. After a year, the performance of the
manager looks good to management and he or she is promoted. The next manager
comes and everything breaks down and the manager who takes over suffers the
consequences of the lack of maintenance and usually ends up diminished in his or
her career or even fired.
Another form of abuse occurs when someone
engages in
opportunistic theft. Someone steals
another's ideas and is promoted. The person from whom the theft occurs is
diminished. This can happen in all sorts of ways, whether it is anonymous
character assassination or stealing copyrighted material off the Internet. It's
abuse.
Unresolved abuse usually ends in
instability for the abused person.
The road to healing is a long one and begins with the cessation of the abuse.
Usually, abuse can be stopped only if
the abused person realizes the abuse.
Some often miss the distinction between abuse and reasonable treatment by
others.
The abused need an
epiphany.
Those who are abused will very likely remain abused until they have a
revelation that they are being abused.
This may be much more difficult than you might
first imagine. In many cases,
people don't recognize they are being abused.
Until they do, usually the abuse cannot end, particularly in a religious
environment. This can also happen in a corporate and / or business environment
because so many people are being abused that none of them recognize the abuse
for what it is and just accept it as it is.
Abuse is much like birds
nesting at the airport.
At first the poor birds will be frightened by the noise of the jets taking off
and landing. Soon, though, they become
conditioned to
the noise and
accept it as
part of their environment to be tolerated. You have to know that it isn't
particularly good for the birds, nor is it particularly healthy for the aviary
where the eggs lie in the nest.
Unfortunately, people act in similar manners.
Usually, whatever "deal" people make
to join with a group looks like a good one. They weigh the
benefits and don't necessarily see
the
risks. Often, they are treated well at
first as an induction
into their little cult: People working for a corporation receive glowing
reports from those who
indoctrinate
them; those joining a church cult see the opportunities for salvation and
the good life; the woman sees the man she is marrying as her prince charming.
These are often distorted perceptions and people survive by living out their
fantasies instead of facing the ugly
realities of how bad things have become.
Commitment
means sacrifice. Too many times people make too great a
sacrifice and feel that they have no
recourse but to "stick it out" for
the payoff. It looked like a good
deal to be a part of the Jim Jones People's Temple even when the
beatings and beratings
began, right up to the cyanide suicides. It is part of the psychological
scam that once people make an investment
in something, they will keep investing even when it is clear that each
investment is a worse investment than the last until there is nothing left to
invest. Thus, a badly
battered
woman will "stick by her man"
even after multiple trips to the hospital for black eyes and broken bones,
half-dead, because of misplaced loyalty.
She may not leave until she realizes that she has to, to protect the children.
Religious cults can have their prophecies
concerning the Great Tribulation and The Place of Safety fail, and they
will continue to stick it out
with the false prophet until something kicks in to make the environment
of
lies and deceptions intolerable
for them.
Some people are smart enough to
recognize the problems right off,
but figure that if they stay, some how things will change. It is only when they
finally realize that their
faith is misplaced that any steps can
begin down the road to recovery. Some
people believe that they are smart enough to deal with the problems in the
mistaken belief that they can "fix" the problems.
This arrogance needs to be dispelled before recovery
can be considered.
Probably
the most aggravating experience
one can have is to have someone who is being abused in a destructive cult,
recognize it, and continue to live with it.
They have their reasons:
-
God will work it out;
-
The new management coming in
will resolve the problems;
-
Christ will return and solve
all the world's problems without our doing one thing;
-
Someone will save me;
-
My husband will change--he
promised... again;
-
It's not that bad;
-
We can live with it;
-
This is God's Work...
And so forth.
It's even worse when the topic was introduced
long ago and now is being repeated: Yes, we know corporations are taking over
our land, water, oil, air and even patenting our DNA, but the government will
protect us; or we benefit because they are more efficient in handling the
management of the environment; we can afford to lose some of our freedoms for
the sake of security.
It's no big deal. We've lived with this for
years--haven't we survived pollution up until now? And all those predictions of
running out of oil haven't come true! We have the Alaskan slopes.
So they missed a prophecy. We still have the
truth. [This is after they missed every prophecy over 50 years each time every
time for dozens of prophecies.]
We should always pay our bills, so it's the
right thing to continue paying usury to credit card companies after bankruptcy
.
Well, sure, the project isn't going so well
now, but just wait--it will come out OK.
People seem to have such
unfounded faith in the future that even though they know that the
environment is not viable, they can rationalize it to accept it. It just depends
upon what they think they will get from suffering the abuse for a little longer.
Their get up and go has gotten up and gone.
People need to recognize that like the birds
nesting at the airport, abuse is not good for you. Cigarette companies do not
have your best interests at heart. Apparently the death of Peter Jennings from
lung cancer and the news that the Widow of Christopher Reeves has lung cancer is
not enough to persuade people that it can happen to them and they need to get
out of the abuse they are in now.
Procrastination is
destructive. People need to leave the abusive
environment and the abusers.
There are also two imminent dangers:
Fear
stops people dead in their tracks: They are afraid of consequences of
leaving an abusive environment. Some of the fear is justified: For example, if a
teenager leaves the Crips or the Bloods, they may evoke a response which might
result in death for them or their family. A woman being beaten by her husband
has legitimate fears that her life would be in worse danger if she left because
the man would be so angered he would pursue her and kill her. Often, it is fear
of the unknown: What will happen to me if I leave this religion? Will I burn in
hell forever? With Scientology, leaving the religion will subject a person to
their
Fair Game
Policy. You might find that a religious spokesmodel as the
Coordinator General might urge his followers publicly to sue you for telling the
truth. Will you be sued? Will you be publicly exposed? Will you suffer violence?
Will your family be harmed? Those are legitimate questions and they need to be
resolved before leaving a cult environment.
Exchanging one cult for
another on the rebound occurs very often. A woman
freed from her abusive boyfriend may choose another. A person who has just paid
off a credit card debt might go for another credit card with a hidden higher
interest rate. A person leaving one misfortune 500 company which kills forests
to plant tree farms in order to make cigarette packaging for a half-billion a
year profit, may end up in another one. People often seem to need some
fulfillment which can only be satisfied with addiction to abuse. It is difficult
to tolerate freedom for some. Nevertheless, to have peace, safety, prosperity
and stability, there needs to be a
Rational Recovery coupled with the the escape from the pit of abuse.
Unfortunately, many have heard this all
before.
What will it take to motivate you?
Perhaps,
peace, prosperity and stability
will be sufficient.
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