Introduction
 
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Introduction The Path into Another Person’s Mind (And Why You Should Want to go there) If you’re taking the time to read this, you probably already see certain benefits to reading another person’s mind. There are many. But this deals with one particular benefit of mind reading. When you read a person’s mind, you can know in advance how that person wants you to treat him or her.
Let’s take the example of a husband and wife in the midst of a common interpersonal conflict. (Although it could just as easily be a conflict between doctor and patient, client and salesman or employer and employee.)
The problem in this case is money!
Bill and Sylvia don’t have enough.
In fact, about the only thing on Bill’s mind recently is his financial problems. So when he has an opportunity for some extra work, he grabs it.
One day, an opportunity came quickly. The boss asked Bill to travel out into the valley and deliver some important papers.
Now, on the way home, he thinks, "She’ll understand, or at least she should understand. After all, here I am making this long drive after dark, I don’t have time to waste finding a phone booth just to call and tell her that I’m out here trying to bail us out of our debts. She’ll understand."
Sylvia didn’t understand.
Bill was barely through the door and Sylvia was all over him in rage. As she ranted and raved about his "inconsiderate" ways, he thought to himself, "She doesn’t understand, she won’t even give me the benefit of the doubt."
You see, Bill always gives Sylvia the benefit of the doubt and he hopes she will treat him the same way.
But she doesn’t.
Instead of treating Bill the way he wants to be treated, she treats him the way she wants to be treated.
Sylvia doesn’t feel she needs the benefit of the doubt. Sylvia pays great attention to each passing detail in her life. Of course, because of this attention to detail, it is very difficult for her to grasp the picture of the situation. Sylvia has a microscopic point of view. She treats other people as if they had microscopic points of view. This works well when they do, but it creates conflict when the other person has another point of view.
For example, Bill’s point of view toward this problem is telescopic. He sees the big picture, but neglects details like calling his wife.
From Bill’s point of view, such details are "little things," but from his wife’s point of view, the same details are "big things."
Obviously, this difference of opinion about what’s important and what isn’t, can be he source of extreme conflict, but even worse is the fact that a person is likely to treat other people the way he wants to be treated, that is in light of his point of view, rather than treating other people the way they want to be treated, that is, in light of their point of view.
Bill and Sylvia, like most people, don’t understand that their desires for treatment are not necessarily another person’s desires. And even if they did, they wouldn’t know how to pinpoint the other person’s desires. After all, they aren’t mind readers.
How much more difficult is it to understand strangers? Consider the salesman dealing with a prospect for the first time. How well he will succeed depends upon how well he deals with the prospect’s treatment priorities. But the only way he can predict those priorities quickly is by reading the prospect’s mind.
People are different. They have different needs, approaches, and reactions.
These difference dictate different desires, not just for things, but also for treatment from others.
For example, many people have a strong desire to own an expensive leather coat; while others couldn’t care less. In the same way many people have a desire to be treated a certain way, while others don’t want to be treated that way. They have their own desires.
The trouble is that by the time we know how another person wants us to treat him or her, it’s often too late. Unless we can read minds, most of the lessons we learn about how to treat people come the hard way, through trial and error.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a teenager in love or a top business executive, everyone from nine to ninety knows some anxiety when approaching another person for the first time.
"Will I say the right thing? Will I put my foot in my mouth? Will I blow it?"
And if we say or do the wrong thing, if we don’t treat a person the way he wishes to be treated, we receive negative feedback. And then we must gain a second chance and try again.
But even if we do begin again, all we know now is one approach that doesn’t work. There are others that will also fail. We need to have the ability to find the approach that will succeed.
You may have the purest of motives and the loveliest of messages, but if you can’t present them in a manner that is pleasing to the other person, you will not communicate; and you may alienate.
In your life, who are the people you can best communicate with? Probably they’re people who share similar interests, who have a similar point of view about things, and with whom you experience a degree of compatibility. We hear a lot about compatibility.
What is it?
Certainly, it’s some degree of mutual interest. Dating services require prospects to fill out questionnaires regarding their interests. Then they match the prospect with someone of similar interests, all in the name of compatibility.
If this were all there were to it, dating services would be achieving almost instantaneous success in pairing. But such is not the case. Most of the partakers of these services require many pairings before they find someone with whom they share mutual compatibility. This is because compatibility is more than common interest; it is also common point of view.
Point of view is the vantage point from which we view all that goes on around us.
Climb a mountain and notice, as you climb, how the view changes. The higher you go, the more you see, but the less you see in detail. Stand behind a tree and you can’t see certain things, even though you know they are out there. Change that point of view, and suddenly you are able to see those things.
Inside the human mind the same thing happens. The human mind is capable of a variety of points of view. From each, you will see things in a certain way, and there will be other things you cannot see, even though they exist. No point of view takes in everything.
Now here’s the key to another person’s mind. If you can know the point of view another person has at any given moment toward any given subject, you can also know what appears to be important and what seems to be irrelevant to that individual. Furthermore, you can project that point of view they hold into the future, and know in advance what that person is likely to approve or disapprove. And finally, you can know those techniques of persuasion that are likely to succeed ant those that are likely to fail.
Know the point of view and you know what’s in a person’s mind. Thus, you are reading the mind. And when you are reading another person’s mind, you are receiving information that will allow you to appear, in the other person’s eyes, as sensitive and understanding. Sensitivity is merely understanding how another person wants to be treated and treating them accordingly.
As for compatibility, the person who has an understanding of human points of view has the ability to generate a degree of result from an understanding of the differences in point of view, just as it results from the holding of a common point of view.
There will be more about these subjects in sections to come. But first, we must begin implementing the steps that will take you into another person’s mind.
You are three steps away from the skill of mind reading through point of view analysis. It’s a skill that will make a major difference in your life.
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